Father's Day is here, and for those of you who have a father in your life, I hope you have a joyful and memorable celebration.
I mainly however wanted to highlight and acknowledge that for many people, this day might be particularly triggering if you don't have someone to celebrate Father’s Day with for whatever reason.
Maybe your father has passed away, maybe he is terminally unwell, maybe he left when you were you were a child or maybe he’s still living but throughout your life could never be there either emotionally, mentally or physically.
Maybe you chose to break contact from him given his lack of emotional intelligence, mood instability, toxic traits and lack of protection.
Or maybe the thought of Father’s Day has triggered off painful thoughts and feelings around the way you have been as a father yourself, and this will be a very difficult and challenging day for you.
I would also like to take into account those who are struggling on a fertility journey, going through an adoption process, dealing with the loss of a child and still longing to be a father.
Many of us leading up to Father’s Day including myself have felt sadness, frustration, hurt and disappointment that there’s no one we could have wrote a card to, gave a warm hug to or showed off to the world on social media.
But regardless of the above, my objective of this blog post was to mindfully put together 4 self care tips to help support you around Father’s Day.
1) Give yourself permission to feel.
Stop what your doing, pause and breathe for just a moment and actually acknowledge whatever feelings might be present for you around Father’s Day. It’s important to recognize and connect to our authentic feelings to validate our own inner experience especially when the message of this day says something different to how you are actually feeling.
2) Big permission NOT to enjoy this day.
You have permission NOT to enjoy this day. You have permission to feel exactly how you feel about Father’s Day and to celebrate or not celebrate this day. You also have permission to do whatever you need and want to do on this day, whatever actually supports you and your feelings is all that matters.
3) Acknowledge yourself on Father’s Day.
I encourage you to acknowledge how far you’ve actually come despite the absence and loss of your father. It takes a lot of resilience, courage, and strength to move forward and build a new life and support network for yourself without the supportive presence of your father. You’ve made it this far and that’s commendable.
4)Healing from poor fathering experiences.
Healing from poor fathering experiences involves acknowledging and processing the pain and unmet needs from the past. This journey often begins with seeking support through therapy or counseling, where one can explore and understand the impact of these experiences on their emotional and psychological wellbeing. Building a support network of trusted friends or mentors can also provide validation and encouragement.
Engaging in self care practices, such as mindfulness, journaling, and physical activity, helps in nurturing one's self worth and resilience. Over time, reframing negative beliefs about oneself and relationships, and possibly forgiving the father for his shortcomings, can foster inner peace and personal growth.
Time to reflect
We’ve explored quite a few ideas from my tool box that you might have find supportive in helping you deal with Father’s Day. Now I would like you to take time to reflect on the below:
What ways have you coped, since not receiving the fathering you needed or wanted?
Can you take some time to actually write down and feel proud of what you’ve done despite this absence or loss?
Who do you know in your daily life who provides a sense of fathering for you?
Do others inspire you with the way they father their own children?
I hope you have found this blog post useful and wish everyone to take care of themselves on this difficult day for many.
Best wishes
Lisa 🙏
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